Saturday, February 19, 2011

Of suffer, bless, ignorant

Today, more blessing comes hiding underneath my God endless test. At first I really fecking tired with all these. I felt hopeless, lonely and finally almost burst into silence tears (which is no stranger to me), my knees weaken, my head's heavy.

But again He came offering warm hand and embrace. Pulling me over His bossom, let me smell His tenderness, His affection, His love. The only thing I really want right now is my mum to hug me, stroking my hair, patting my shoulder and say, "Husshh... it's going to be alright." To bad I can't hardly recall when was the last time I ever experienced those. But today, He hugs me in my sleep. My most peaceful afternoon sleep with body temperature rising to the top again.

He send me one brave and strong girl yesterday. To tell me her story, her suffering. And deep down I said to myself how can I ever compare the test Allah has given me with her's? She suffers to the point she has no Ringgit to spend on RM 1.20 bar of soap to clean her body. Hearing this, I cursed myself for being such a terrible friend. How can I simply let my own classmate lives that kind of life for almost a year and a half ? Astaghfirullah... how can I still dreaming of jumping into heaven easily with me being so ignorant of terrible things happen around me?

Thank you Allah. For everything. Thank you Allah for the lessons.

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