Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Journey never ends

Last Sunday was my ultimate moment of truth. I finally find what I've been missing all this time. That missing jigsaw to complete a puzzle. And that puzzle is me.

That one jigsaw is so precious that to finally found it cost me a lot of courage, patience, and money. And I'm glad I just smile during the hard time.

Search back the promise. Your own promise to Allah when He first blow your ruh into your body. Our promise to REMEMBER Allah in our heart 24/7.

Image source

Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Promise

I don't know if you readers ever feel what I feel lately.
Empty. I pray, we pray but still our akhlak was even more ugly than the non muslim.
I always thought by praying five times a day, did some solat sunnah during the wee hour would cleanse my filthy heart.

But still I know there's something missing.
I know deep down I have to find a way to track what is it that missing.
And since I've been searching...

Until one day my silat teacher said to me during our practice,
 "I've met my guru's religious guru. He teach me to continue holding on to our promise to Allah when we're still in the womb."  So I asked, 'what is the promise then?' 'Read the first revelation sent upon our beloved prophet.'

There... it hit me.
My spiritual journey is about to be embark once again.
Pray for me.

Found this on Facebook, not sure bout the 'rub dub dub'. But on thing for sure, we are OBLIGED to remember Allah in our heart 24/7.

Para saintis telah
Membuktikan bahawa,
Suara yang
datang daripada

denyutan jantung adalah
"Lub Dub"
Tetapi Kini mereka 
analisis bahawa, Ia adalah
'Rub Dub Dub' adalah Bahasa Arab
perkataan yang bermaksud
1 yang buat satu sama
dan Segala yang berkaitan dengan
Alam Semesta, Dan
yang mempunyai
perintah dalam
Itu adalah "Allah"
Jadi ia bermakna Tiap-tiap
Degupan jantung berkata:

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Beacon

Ever feeling dejavu hearing to a song that the lyrics sounds too much like you?

 I am the You

Song - The beacon Performed by A Fine Frenzy

Saturday, June 8, 2013


Last Friday the 7th of June marks another turning point in my life. A dear friend finally leaving for a better promising future. Although we can never expect rainbow all the way but sure we can expect some sun in the middle of the pouring rain.

I have live for almost 25 years and have been through many farewell. But.. this one is different.

"When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our life. For moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow maybe profound, the clouds will clear and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibility in which the horizon will stretch out before us rimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow."  - The Prince and Me.

To that beautiful soul, thank you for crossing my path in this winding journey of mine. We'll see each other again, if not here, maybe in another infinite world. You are one of the few person that I cannot classified what's the reason for me to be so close to you...I guess Allah has His own reason.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

AKU disini

 Jatuh cinta dengan sajak karangan Rumi. Aku salin yang asal dalam bahasa Inggeris dan terjemah sendiri ke bahasa Melayu. Harap semua maklum bahawa Rumi merupakan ahli sufi, jadi sajak-sajak beliau mempunya maksud yang sangat mendalam dan tidak boleh dibaca sekali lalu saja tanpa mentafsir ertinya. 

 Saban malam, ada seorang lelaki memanggil "Allah"
Hingga bibirnya luka berdarah.
Datang Penasihatnya berkata, "Wahai si Dungu!
...kenapa setelah saban malam memanggil
Tak pernah aku dengar Allah menjawab, "AKU disini?"
Tuan bersungguh-sungguh memanggil tapi...
Terus terang saya katakan, SIA-SIA!"

Lelaki itu kemudian berasa kosong dan seperti ditinggalkan.
Tertekan, dia terus berbaring di lantai
Dan tertidur dengan nyenyaknya.
Dalam mimpinya, dia berjumpa satu malaikat yang bertanya kepadanya,
"Kenapa kamu berputus asa memanggil Allah?

Jawab lelaki itu, "Aku sudah jenuh memanggil,
Namun Allah tak pernah menjawab, "AKU disini."

Malaikat itu membalas, "Sebenarnya Allah ada berfirman,
Kamu memanggil namaKu, ialah jawapanKu.
Kamu ingin dekat denganKu ialah pelajaranKu untukmu.
Semua usahamu untuk mendekatiKu,
Sebenarnya ialah usahaKu untuk mendekatimu.
Takut dan Cintamu ialah tali untuk 'menangkapKu.'
Dalam kesunyian yang membaluti setiap yang memanggil nama Allah,
Menunggu disebaliknya seribu jawapan "AKU disini."


All night, a man called “God”                                
Until his lips were bleeding.
Then his Adversary said, “Hey! Mr Gullible!
... How comes you’ve been calling all night
And never once heard God say, “Here, I AM”?
You call out so earnestly and, in reply, what?
I’ll tell you what. Nothing!”

The man suddenly felt empty and abandoned.
Depressed, he threw himself on the ground
And fell into a deep sleep.
In a dream, he met an angel, who asked,
“Why are you regretting calling out to God?”

The man said, “ I called and called
But God never replied, “Here I AM.”

The Angel explained, “God has said,
“Your calling my name is My reply.
Your longing for Me is My message to you.
All your attempts to reach Me
Are in reality My attempts to reach you.
Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me.
In the silence surrounding every call of “God”  
Waits a thousand replies of “Here I AM.”



Niat. Tiap satu perbuatan atau pekerjaan kita mesti ada niat dulu. Sebab outcome benda yang dibuat tanpa niat sangat tersasar jauh dari apa-apa yang kita harapkan.

Masa zaman PMR tahun 2001-2003 dulu aku puluh study sebab niat nak puaskan hati sendiri. Outcome: Dapatlah result yang boleh tahan impressive bagi aku.

Contoh 2:
Masa zaman SPM tahun 2004-2005 kena paksa masuk sekolah asrama. So..aku riot! Memberontak sepenuh hati. Niat masa tu untuk pay back apa yang parents paksa dengan result yang sangat 'impressive'.

Haa nampak tak? Allah memang akan ikut apa yang kita nak kalau kita sunguh-sungguh dalam hati mahukan.Cuma kalau ada adik2 yang baca ni tak payahlah ikut apa yang AKAK buat.


Sebab korang punya takdir tak sama macam aku. Meh sambung balik cerita lain (cerita NIAT dah habis k). 

Disebabkan niat gila masa SPM dulu, aku seriously pandang akademik macam pandang neraka. Ponteng kelas, tidur waktu PNP dan sebagainya. On contrary, aku sangat aktif ko-k. Masuk silat gayong, cakra alam, scuba, KRS, kawad kaki. Dan segala puji untuk Allah yang sangat penyayang, pelukis blue print hidup yang sangat ohsem, aku ditakdirkan dapat jumpa satu cikgu yang namanya Anuar Ahmad.

Cikgu Nuar: gurulatih silat, cakra alam, coach kawad krs, segala mak nenek aktiviti rapelling, scuba and so on.

Cikgu kata kalau awak percaya SPM tu penentu masa depan, kamu jatuh syirik. Otak masa tu baru berusia 16 tahun dan sangat normal untuk aku terkejut beruk. Lepas bertahun-tahun hidup lepas habis sekolah baru aku gradually digest maksud cikgu.

Allah tunjukkan sifat penyayang-Nya pada aku dengan temukan cikgu Nuar. Kalau tak... ke laut aku gamaknya! Walaupun result SPM sangat tidak cantik macam PMR dulu tapi di sekolah yang aku rasa macam neraka ni lah aku belajar tentang pelajaran hidup yang sebenarnya. 

Cikgu sekarang tengah frust sampai dia kata nak tinggalkan aktiviti ko-k kat sekolah sebab pengetua nak budak-budak pulun study. Dan aku sangat bersimpati dengan junior-junior yang tak dapat nak merasa penangan cikgu Nuar ni.

Nota: Skill menulis aku sememangnya aku akui dah tumpul... Assalamualaikum!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Labour Day Special

Assalamualaikum warohmatullah wabarokatu

I'm feeling oldies this few weeks. (what the... ohh Bell, whatever)

It's May! Month of book and book and more book. I went to KL International Book Fair on Labour Day with some friends from work. And man I'm telling you people are EVERYWHERE. I have to really tell myself to stay calm and not being such a baby throwing tantrum in the packed crowd.

My advise, DO NOT go during public holiday/ school holiday. Well unless you love having huge number of students whose on a school trip in their baju batik uniform passing by non-stop. They are everywhere.

My catch? Just a latest volume of Gila-Gila mag to revisit my childhood, a novel by Hlovate - Anthem (I swear this one is huge man! You won't find this title on the shelve for more than 5 minutes. I get my copy not from the shelf but from the staff who just came in time to open new stock of this title.), and finally a book by Prof Muhaya - Celik Mata dan Jiwa (managed to get her signature).

So that's it for book fest 2013. I really have few idea what to wrote about me :) I mean like, I'm just fine. My cat's fine, a kitten just born a month ago and now he/she is wandering around the house non -stop with his/her penguin's walk. I got my contract extended for 3 more months. (Not so sure if that's a good one.) I have found bunch friends who loves to go for an adventure. Last month went to Gua Tempurung, last week to Sungai Chilling, K.Kubu Bharu.

Guess that all for now. It was a special labour day after all.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Of forgive, forget and vengeance

I'm so sorry but this will be just another monologue of mine. Like I said before, many thing happen to me and the people around me, and I thank Allah for all the guidance and help. Other than reading the holy Quran's translation, I also bought an inspiring book 2 months ago. 

Aleph by Paulo Coelho. You won't believe just how many pages that I have dog eared and still counting cuz I'm now on the final quarter of the novel. Recently I'm hooked with this para of the novel, here's the excerpt that I love the most;

"I will be capable of loving regardless of whether I am loved in return, 
           Of giving even when I have nothing,
           Of working happily even in the midst of difficulties,
           Of holding out my hand even when utterly alone and abandoned,
           Of drying my tears even while I weep,
           Of believing even when no one believes in me."

           Instead of grief, I choose forgetting. Instead of vengeance, I choose victory.

Sometimes life isn't all about what we have plan ahead. Destiny will be so bright and promising if we let Allah help us along the way. Tawakkal.

Ayu & Yunus and all of us.

Thursday, April 11, 2013


Wow... can you believe it? It has been two month already. Many thing happen within these 60 days. And many thing did not happen too. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I cranked and I know everything happened for a or many visible or invisible reason.

And now it almost time to leave that building again. Like how it used to be the last time, but this time with more valuable memories to brought home with. Can you guys believe how God can easily answer a question that took me 7 years to figure out? Yes. I've waited for 7 years before finally understand what my master said 7 years ago. The answer came from Allah through that special person. And yes she doesn't even know it.

It's more like symbiosis relationship between me and her. Pray the best for me, and I wish you all the best!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Blogging live from forbidden city.

I forbade myself.

God help from such boredom!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Okey Dokey

Repeat this mantra.

"I am happy and excited for this weekend." 

Everything will be okey dokey.

Dareka ga naitetara dakishimeyou sore dake de ii
If someone is crying, give them a hug. That's all it takes.
Dareka ga warattetara kata o kumou sore dake de ii 
If someone is laughing, touch their shoulder. That's all it takes.

Dareka ga taoretara okoseba ii sore dake de ii
If someone is falling apart, snap them out of it. That's all it takes.  
Dareka ga tatta nara sasaereba ii sore dake de ii
If someone stands up, support them. That's all it takes. 

Sunday, January 6, 2013


"Sahabat sejati ialah 'dia' yang aku fikir hilang, lalu tiba-tiba datang menyapa tanpa banyak kata-kata. Namun cukup untuk menyentuh hati merindui 'dia' semula."
Terima kasih kepada kamu-kamu yang menjadi 'dia' untuk aku.

Terimalah wahai 'dia'.

"...cukuplah Allah bagi kami dan Dia ialah sebaik-baik tempat diserahkan segala urusan."  Al-Imran 173

Terima kasih Hajar untuk video ini.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

How can a Translation embarrassed you?

Last week I just made the biggest and the most embarrassing translation mistake ever. My ex-lecture would no doubt kill me or maybe make me study the 7 Context of Meaning by Leech again if they ever know 'bout this.

Actually it was meant to be soothing a friend who at the time was sad. So I'd decided to sent her a soothing text message. We never converse or text in English so I thought I'll send her few words in Malay instead.

But being me, gathering the idea to put words for heart problem were never really my expertise. So I just think of the usual words I used in English and decided to just simply translate them to Malay.

And this, is what I'd sent her;
"Bertahan ya Minah (bukan nama sebenar), kalau kamu rasa nak menangis boleh je pinjam bahu kita."

An hour later...

My monologue;
'O crap! what the hell? why on earth did I type those words?'
'Man these sounds so...eeuuww'.
'Geli kot!'

But hey, this time luck was on my side. The text never reach her. Her maxis number was already inactive.

So now, I know the power of correct translation. Thank you God for saving me from the embarrassment.

The original text that I've think of before translated them into the ugly form;

"Hang in there buddy. If you ever feel like crying, you can always borrow my shoulder."

p/s what will Minah think/ feel if she ever read that text?