Living

Life is like a wheel. My down is almost history and now I'm slowly going up. But someone else, someone so close were still stuck at the bottom. Couldn't get up, but she still standing strong. Suck every little energy she has left for the sake of her newborn premature child.

My friend, she is the strongest person I know. I just have no idea where on earth does she gets all the strength to go through all off this..burden, trial. Things started go wrong during her last trimester which force the baby to came out earlier than expected. And of course premature babies have a lot of complication. And now she missed her one and only graduation ceremony. She willing to let go for her baby boy was sick and now things got a little serious.

I'm scared. I'm scared she will loose her strength. So far she won all the battle but who know what will happen later. Will her baby ever get better and grow up normal just like any other kids?

I now see 'healthy' in a very different point of view. We always disregards our health. When a baby is born many will only ask the gender. We must change that. Be grateful. Always be grateful when you, me, us have our own baby, be grateful when God give us a very healthy child. Because not everyone was given the chance to be born healthy.

I am grateful to Allah for my health. Thank you Allah.

Another side of me

I don't know if the people around ever notice of how complex I am. But honestly, I am.

I seriously don't think any psychiatrist can figure out what actually going on in my head.

Is it normal for a young person like me to think of killing herself sometimes? I have this kind of thought running thru ever since I was a teenager. Don't worry I don't plan to take my own life. I know Allah is the absolute holder of my life.

It just that when misfortune comes down on you one by one, it actually took all my guts and spirits away...sometimes my sanity too.

You know what it's funny that I wrote all this which you can always found in tumblr wrote by unhappy teens around the world. And now here I am.

I like to write down all the negatives feeling I hold inside but I know doing that wont help. And I like to write down all the positives words too but I know that will make me looks like a total loser. I know you don't get it, I've told you I'm complicated.

Let just wait and see.

Conteng2

Sebenarnya banyak yang nak ditulis disini. Terlalu banyak sampai lupa semuanya. Jadi, sementara aku masih ingat, baiklah aku scribble sikit2 dulu hehe

#1 Selamat bergraduasi unutk adik2 BATI pada hari ini Ahad. Seronok rasanya tengok gambar diorang konvo, teringat balik memori setahun lepas. :) 

#2 Bulan Disember nanti ada Pesta Buku Malaysia 19-23 Dis. Masa untuk simpan duit supaya dapat laburkan sewenang-wenangnya untuk beli buku nanti.

#3 Aku baru perasan, aku rasa sangat tidak selesa ambil gambar landskap kalau ada orang lain tengok. hurmmm. Aku lebih suka dengan orang asing, maksudnya orang lain yang tak boleh agak aku bangsa apa, dari negara mana. I love total strangers!

#4 Dulu aku sangat anti dengan kulit ayam. Sekarang tidak lagi! 4 kali dalam seminggu mesti makan kulit ayam goreng bersalut tepung (demi menambah semula kilogram yang hilang drastik).

MengenaliMu

Just when I thought I already knew Allah, actually little that I know of Him.

AL- GHAFFAR - menutupi kesalahan hamba-hambanya dengan mengampuni kesalahan mereka.

Diceritakan bahawa seseorang diarahkan masuk ke dalam neraka. Setelah sepertiga perjalanan, dia menoleh kebelakang sambil terus berjalan. Setelah separuh perjalanan, dia menoleh lagi dan melakukan perkara yang sama setelah dua pertiga perjalanan.

Allah S.W.T lalu berfirman, "Bawa kembali orang itu ke sini!"
Lalu bertanya kepada, "Kenapa engkau menoleh sehingga tiga kali?"
Orang itu menjawab, "Setelah aku sampai sepertiga perjalanan, aku teringat akan firmanMu:

Dan TuhanMu Maha Pengampun lagi penuh rahmat. (AL Kahfi 18:58)

Oleh kerana teringatkan firman ini maka aku menoleh dengan penuh harapan mendapat keampunan dan rahmatMu. Setelah sampai separuh perjalanan, aku teringat pula akan firmanMu:

Siapa lagi yang akan dapat mengampunkan dosa-dosa selain Allah. (Ali Imran 3:135)

Ayat ini menguatkan lagi harapanku, menyebabkan aku menoleh lagi. Setelah aku sampai dua pertiga perjalanan, aku teringat pula firmanMu:

Katakan hai hamba-hambaKu yang melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri, janganlah kamu putus harapan dari rahmat Allah. (Al Zumar 39:53)

Semakin bertambahlah harapanku untuk mendapatkan maghfirah dan rahmatMu!" Allah S.W.T kemudian berfirman, "Pergilah engkau, sesungguhnya aku telah mengampunimu!"

Kisah ini mungkin rekaan Al-Qusyairi sebagai rumusan dalam pengajaran beliau. Kiasah ini ialah sebuah hadith dan dapat ditemui dalam Sahih Muslim, jilid IV, halaman 256 (pentj.)

Dreamers always believe in their God

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today is a day to celebrate someone's existence in this life. It's a she. And this she is special to me. She existed on 8.8.1988 a very 'ong' number for feng shui. Knew her in 2008 (what a coincidence, another 8) during varsity era which past a year back. In summary, I can say she and I, we together learning about life the hard way. She have almost the same way of thinking like I do. We have almost the same high rocket ambitious DREAMs...to sail away. To go just anywhere but home in order to find 'ourselves', that one character who has been hiding so long waiting to come out. Honestly those sounds NUT! And, neither of us have embark a journey to be away. Not yet. 

I knew deep down someday those dreams will come true. Someday she will found herself. I'll found mine. 

I'm writing these down with a heart quite filled with bitterness. A gift by God who always knew whats best when we the slave know nothing. And I hope if she, the celebrated girl reads this, she will always believe with God's super plan because dreamers believe in their God more than anything. 

May Allah give us the strength to make it through. Happy birthday Eza.

Love,

Bell